Why Giving Up Was the Best Thing I Ever Did

Ten years ago I gave up. I knew I had to quit. And I've never regretted a single minute since. Let me tell you why.

This time of year is special. Mother's Day. Graduations. The birthday of my first child. All these things combined cause me to pause each year and reflect on the past.

I started college in the fall of 2002. It was amazing. There's nothing like starting a new chapter in your life. I loved the classes, the variety of people, the life experience I was gaining. Going to college was never an option for me. Of course I was going. I was an English fanatic and was going to get my English degree. I quickly learned that Elementary Education was more up my alley and switched majors. I also met my amazing husband and we got married a short time later. All this marriage stuff combined with all this learning about children stuff and I was as baby-hungry as an animal that eats babies. :) Needless to say, a short five months after we got married, I was pregnant. We were elated. My husband is four years older than I am and graduation for him was scheduled for a week before our baby was due. Perfection.

But this meant a lot for me. I knew we couldn't pal around campus and pretend that we had time to kill before we needed a real job to support our family. He was already looking and I knew it would take us to who-knows-where. I had already put in almost a year a half of school. I was about 2-3 semesters away from having a degree in Preschool. And I knew I couldn't finish.

When I registered for what I knew would be my last semester of college, I signed up for things that still counted towards my major. I wanted to do all I could. I also took my husband's advice and signed up for a couple classes that were just for fun. He reminded me college should be functional and fun. It was a GREAT semester and I worked hard. I got good grades and finished feeling happy with what I had done. And then I gave up. I gave up everything I had worked for to do the best job in the world...wife and mother.

I won't lie...my husband's graduation day was bittersweet. I was so proud of his accomplishments. I cried when he walked across the stage. I cried for the love I felt for him, cried for all the hard work I knew he had done, cried for the exciting future ahead of him...and I cried for me. I cried for this moment that I'd never have, this accomplishment I'd never feel, this chapter of my life that was ending.

Our daughter was born less than two weeks later, we moved to California for our first real job nine days after that, and my world was turned upside down. Thoughts of college went out the door and my whole world revolved around nighttime feedings for the next few years. Two more beautiful children came to us and life was a whirlwind of diapers, cheerios, and spilled milk. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I'm sure you all understand.

Everyone needs validation, something to say "You've accomplished something and I recognize it". And every time graduation would roll around for friends and family of May each year, I would have small pangs in my heart that I was missing out. I wanted that piece of paper that told me I was special, that I had worked hard, that I could be a valuable asset to someone. I watched a neighbor go to school every week with three kids and get her degree. From my eyes she had it all together. She was able to do it all. Be a great mother, a great wife, finish school, be the perfect example for her kids to follow. Her kids would look at her someday and say, "Mom did it. We can too".   

All you guardians (and I say this because parents come in all forms) out there know how hard it is sometimes. Typical forms of validation don't exist for us: the paycheck, the bonus, the raise, the promotion, the vacation time. What I wouldn't give for a time card sometimes...can I clock out for just 15 minutes so I can pee? No, no you can't. Can I take a lunch break? Maybe, and then I only have the leftovers of a PB&J to offer you. 

So I began to wonder if I wasn't trying hard enough. I wondered if I had given up too easily. Maybe I could and should finish college. I thought it would somehow quantify my self-worth. Now my reasons for wanting a degree had nothing to do with being marketable in the workforce. I thought that having it would mean I was more of a person, someone who could accomplish anything, someone who could do more than clean house and change diapers. I wanted to be interesting and specialized.

After some serious self-reflection and prayer, I came to terms with giving up college. Heavenly Father told me I was doing the right thing and that if I needed that degree someday, He would tell me so and then provide a way for me to get it.

People give up every day. And by "give up", I mean SACRIFICE. And I'm not just talking stay-at-home moms here. Mothers who go to college give up too...give up every spare minute after their kids go to bed to finish homework so they're able to give their children all they have during waking hours.
Working moms give up time they wish they could have to go on field trips just so they can have enough money to feed their kids. Fathers give up those first moments at home with their kiddos so that there's enough money for rent. Grandparents give up their retirement years to raise grandchildren that don't have parents around.  And the list could go on. My point is, we all give up at some point...give up dreams, give up parts of ourselves for a greater good.

Sacrifice has always been taught to me to mean giving up something good for something better. And that's exactly what giving up college was for me. And I'm still amazing despite my lack of degree. I'm educated. I'm interesting. I'm specialized in a thousand things: cooking, cleaning, sewing, playing Candyland, tying shoes, doing a mean ponytail, being an awesome PTG president, making amazing cookies, and a gazillion other things. I'm worth something. I'm enough.

What-ifs are inevitable. Do I wonder sometimes what I'd be doing with a degree? Sure. Do I picture myself being the world's greatest teacher sometimes? You betcha. But I smile and look around me at all that I got in return for giving that up. And I can look at it without regret and despise. Because I love what I have.

It's ok to mourn lost experiences. It's ok to wish we could do more than we can. But it's ok to bury the past. Move forward with firm footing in your decisions. Own them and give your whole heart to them. Be glad for those that get to go through the experiences you don't. Be sympathetic to those that want the experiences you have. Be happy for the person that finished college. Be happy for the person who didn't. Be happy for the mom that works. Be happy for the mom that stays home. Bottom line...be grateful. And give up...give up something good for something better. And be ok with what it cost you.

For those of you wondering...I finally got that piece of paper...the one that says "You've accomplished something and I recognize it". I finally got that piece of paper that told me I was special, that I had worked hard, that I could be a valuable asset to someone. I took a picture to commemorate the moment:


 

 

 

Have a wonderful weekend!